It feels so good to finally let out our little secret to my Insta fam! I am currently 14 weeks pregnant as of today and past what was honestly the WORST first trimester ever. I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t been as active on Insta or the blog and I have the awful nausea, lack of sleep and overall fatigue I’ve been feeling the past 3 months to thank for it.
Now that we are here, I can say that this has been the hardest thing ever to keep under wraps. I love sharing everything that has been going on with me and not being able to tell you guys something so major has kept my social media time to a minimum to avoid spilling anything.
I am going to start by saying that I unfortunately was not very happy when we first found out I was pregnant. Before you come at me, I fully understand that there are many couples who have difficulty conceiving and that there have been people who have experienced a loss of pregnancy so the fact that I was able to have a baby should be something I cherish. I can say at this point that I am absolutely ecstatic and grateful that our family is growing, but since our wedding has been booked since August (before we even got engaged) it was incredibly hard for me to wrap my head around planning the biggest day of our life and having a baby on top of all of that.
September 16th, the day we found out we were expecting, was a normal Monday and just over a week after Marc had proposed. I had zero symptoms so my late period of 6 days didn’t seem like a big deal. We had just finished dinner and I was a little bloated while trying on clothes to pack for our upcoming Europe trip that week. I stood in front of the mirror, noticing my inflated stomach and said “Ew Marc, I look pregnant”. Not taking his eyes off the intense game of Call of Duty he was playing, Marc responded “Haha maybe you are”. “Well my period is late so maybe.” I said back, to which he gave me a look like, seriously?
All of a sudden a wave of panic came over me. I threw on my shoes and told Marc we HAD to go get a pregnancy test at Shoppers. The whole car ride I was convinced I wasn’t pregnant, there was no fucking way this was going to happen during the busiest year of my life. We got home and I did my thing in the bathroom, patiently waiting for the test to decide my fate. The first line showed up right away and just as I was about to breathe a sigh of relief, a very faint second line showed up. I almost passed out in our tiny condo bathroom, then checked the box to see if it was a false alarm. “Even if there is a faint line, it still indicates pregnancy” was written plain and clear on the side. HOLY. FUCK. I walked out of the bathroom slowly, test in hand and looked at Marc and said “Marc, I’m pregnant”. Without moving his eyes off the tv (thanks Call of Duty) he responded with “HAHA babe, fuck off”. I walked over to him and as I handed him the test he dropped the controller in his hands and stared at it, eyes wide open.
I called my sister immediately and she demanded Marc go back to Shoppers and buy the entire pregnancy test aisle LOL. He went back and brought home two more tests, one that had a weeks indicator. I once again peed on the test and again got a positive result, this time showing that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. I got off the phone with my sister and went to bed.
That night was the hardest night ever. I couldn’t sleep and cried like someone had killed my dog. In hindsight I feel SO shitty for reacting the way I did as I could tell Marc was actually super happy and excited and I feel like I took that moment away from him. Deep down inside I know I was happy too, we had always wanted to have a family but the timing was literally the worst. I was so worried about looking like shit on my wedding day, which was incredibly stupid of me since I know PLENTY of people who have given birth and look amazing afterwards. I am happy that I have realized that everything happens for a reason, we can’t wait for our baby to arrive in May and to celebrate our wedding day with our newest addition there with us!
If I have learned anything from our very big surprise, its that life doesn’t give a shit about your plans. I am fully aware how babies are made, but we were actually really careful so yeah, I was allowed to be shocked (I plan on discussing the fertility awareness method in the future and why it failed for us so stay tuned). We don’t know the gender yet but are planning to find out around 19-20 weeks. Marc is super fucked because you better believe I am going to be buying all kinds of shit for the nursery once we know what we are having!
If you’re still reading what has been my longest post ever, I want to say that I am excited to start sharing more wedding and baby stuff, but I promise to still keep Elle Wore It filled with all the fun OG content you all have been enjoying. I am so happy you guys are coming along for the wild ride that will be 2020, its so good to be back!